Just had my first meeting with C____ (my new sponsor). We just sat and drank coffee and talked for 2 hours about where I'm at right now and got caught up with each other on where we're at in our recovery right now. It went great! I feel like I have a sponsor again: someone to guide me, teach me, and someone I can confide in. I have been lacking that feeling for so long and towards the end of my sponsorship with S____ I felt like I was sponsoring him. It's my own fault for placing him on a pedestal though and I have to remember that he's only human and he's just another addict like me trying to stay clean. It's time for me to move on though and let it -- and him -- go.
What I really feel good about too is that C____ gave me some clear cut directions: phone call every day, meeting every day. And we're going to meet again every Thursday from here on out. I have a really good feeling about this. Next week we're going to go over my Steps 1 and 2 and he said I can continue to work out of the Step Working Guide. It seems like just what I needed in a sponsor. I'm glad God placed him in my life at just the right time. I know I absolutely cannot do this alone.
Thursday, February 19, 2015
Wednesday, February 18, 2015
30
I'm 30! I'm fucking 30! Today is my birthday. Honestly, I'm surprised I lived this long. Earlier in my 20s, I could've sworn I'd be dead by 26. I had this whole idea of living fast and dying young in a blaze of glory and drugs and brilliance. Sick right? If it hadn't been for recovery and the intervention in 2011 I'm sure I'd be dead by now.
Turning 30 has be reflecting on some of my behaviors lately that seem so juvenile and are now unacceptable. I'm going to blow my own cover and admit that yes, I have been cutting again. I've been doing it for the past week and today is going to be day 1 of no more cutting. I'm 30 years old now, enough is enough.
Another behavior that is no longer acceptable is my shoplifting. I haven't done it in a while but that shit is so basic and juvenile that it has no place in my life anymore.
I spent my 20s wrecking my life. Now I want to spend my 30s rebuilding it. I want to foster emotional well-being and maturity, mental stability, growth, acceptance, integrity, and good-will. Anything or anyone that doesn't fit in with these notions can go kick rocks.
Happy birthday to me.
Turning 30 has be reflecting on some of my behaviors lately that seem so juvenile and are now unacceptable. I'm going to blow my own cover and admit that yes, I have been cutting again. I've been doing it for the past week and today is going to be day 1 of no more cutting. I'm 30 years old now, enough is enough.
Another behavior that is no longer acceptable is my shoplifting. I haven't done it in a while but that shit is so basic and juvenile that it has no place in my life anymore.
I spent my 20s wrecking my life. Now I want to spend my 30s rebuilding it. I want to foster emotional well-being and maturity, mental stability, growth, acceptance, integrity, and good-will. Anything or anyone that doesn't fit in with these notions can go kick rocks.
Happy birthday to me.
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