Harsh Reality

Things tend to start sucking a whole lot more when you realize that some of your behaviors are actually such huge defects of character and personality flaws that people practically run screaming away from you

Get Your Shit Together

So you have you heard that advice before that says if you want to achieve something or if you have a goal/goals, to write them down and place them somewhere conspicuous?  That way by constantly seeing it you're reminded of where your efforts should be or what you want to manifest.

I made one of those this week.  And I've found myself in a deadlock stare for long stretches of time after the way shit went down this week.

Here's my list, titled, "Get Your Shit Together and Handle Your Business"

Get a fucking job
Clean up my thinking and try to stop being so fucking selfish and self-centered
GET A JOB
Stop letting my emotions dictate my actions
Get back into a regular routine including the gym
Attend more meetings

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Because I realized a really harsh truth as a result of this week.  A close friend of mine told this to me, but it didn't sink in until all the dust settled:

I have absolutely nothing to offer to anyone right now.  Who WOULD want to be around me?

So, handle your shit.

Please

Please don't go away Please don't go away Please don't go away Please don't go away Please don't go away Please don't go away Please don't go away Please don't go away Please don't go away Please don't go away Please don't go away Please don't go away Please don't go away Please don't go away Please don't go away Please don't go away Please don't go away Please don't go away Please don't go away Please don't go away Please don't go away Please don't go away Please don't go away Please don't go away Please don't go away Please don't go away Please don't go away Please don't go away Please don't go away Please don't go away Please don't go away Please don't go away Please don't go away Please don't go away Please don't go away Please don't go away Please don't go away Please don't go away Please don't go away Please don't go away Please don't go away Please don't go away Please don't go away Please don't go away Please don't go away Please don't go away Please don't go away Please don't go away Please don't go away Please don't go away Please don't go away Please don't go away Please don't go away Please don't go away Please don't go away Please don't go away Please don't go away Please don't go away Please don't go away Please don't go away Please don't go away Please don't go away Please don't go away Please don't go away Please don't go away Please don't go away Please don't go away Please don't go away Please don't go away Please don't go away Please don't go away Please don't go away Please don't go away Please don't go away Please don't go away Please don't go away Please don't go away Please don't go away Please don't go away Please don't go away Please don't go away Please don't go away Please don't go away Please don't go away Please don't go away Please don't go away Please don't go away Please don't go away Please don't go away Please don't go away Please don't go away Please don't go away Please don't go away Please don't go away Please don't go away Please don't go away Please don't go away Please don't go away Please don't go away Please don't go away

Work Histories

As some of you may know, I do not believe in god in anyway.  That is not to say, however, that I do not believe in some concept of "the universe" and that shit happens, pops up, occurs, makes itself present, not present, or introduces itself (or himself, ahem) at certain times in your life for certain reasons.  Sometimes this happens in little seemingly insignificant tidbits in your day -- basically just what happened to me when I opened one of my daily readers.  Definitely needed to read this this morning.  Perfect timing Universe.  Thanks bitch, much love.

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Just as we have relationship histories, most of us have work histories.
Just as we have a present circumstance to accept and deal with in our relationship life, we have a present circumstance to deal with and accept in our work life.
Just as we develop a healthy attitude toward our relationship history --- one that will help us learn and move forward --  we can develop a healthy attitude toward our work history.
I have worked many jobs in my life...Just as I have learned many things about myself through my relationships, I have learned many lessons through my work.  Often, these lessons run parallel to the lessons I'm learning in other areas of my life.
I have worked at jobs I hated but was temporarily dependent on.  I have gotten stuck in jobs because I was afraid to strike out on my own and find my next set of circumstances. 
I have been in some jobs to develop skills.  Sometimes, I didn't know I was developing those skills until later on when they became an important part of the career of my choice.
I have worked at jobs where I have felt victimized, where I felt like I gave and received nothing in return.  I have been in relationships where I manufactured similar feelings.
I have worked at some jobs that have taught me what I absolutely didn't want; others sparked in me an idea of what I really did want and deserve in my career.
Some of my jobs have helped me develop character; others have helped me fine-tune my skills....I have learned that none of my careers or career changes were mistakes and no job was a wasted time.  I have learned something from each job, and my work history has helped create who I am...The more I refused to lose my soul to a job and worked at it because I wanted to and not for the paycheck, the less victimized I felt by my career, even those jobs that paid a meager salary.  The more I set goals and took responsibility for achieving the career I wanted, the more I could decide whether a particular job fit into the scheme of things.  I could understand why I was working at a particular job and how that was going to benefit me.  There were times I looked around and wondered why I was where I was.  There were times people thought I should be someplace different.  But when I looked into myself I knew I was in the right place, for the moment...Sometimes, I felt like a failure.  But I learned this:  if I stayed true to myself, I never had to fear where I was being led.  I've learned I'm responsible for setting my boundaries and establishing what I believe I deserve.  I've learned that I'm not stuck or trapped in a job no more than I am in a relationship.  I have choices.  I may not be able to see them clearly right now, but I do have choices.  I've learned that if I really want to take care of myself in a particular way on a job, I will do that.  And if I really want to be victimized by a job, I will allow that to happen to.  

I am responsible for my choices, and I have choices.
Above all else, I've learned to accept and trust my present circumstances at work.  That does not mean to submit; it does not mean to forego boundaries.  It means to trust, accept, then take care of myself the best I am able to on any given day.

Control

Sometimes I need to remember to stop exerting so much effort and thought on controlling a situation and it's outcome.  I've recently been reminded that when I do that, shit gets all fucked up because I'm trying to guide, steer, modify, shape, twist, and influence everything to how I see fit, regardless of if I'm taking into account and accepting of all things in front of me and taking others into account.

Sometimes you just need to fucking shut up, sit back, let go, and let the universe unfold its story for itself.

You'd be surprised at how things turn out.