You ever have a conversation with someone that has them giving you advice that has such impact and meaning to you, it's almost like getting slapped in the face?
Yeah, THAT just happened.
And she is absolutely right. I am absolutely right where I am intended to be right now. I need to stop finger fucking everything in my life to death, or, according to her, I am going to be a miserable fuck. I need to stop trying to control and manipulate everything to go my way because that may not be in the Universe's design for me or in its plan. And since we know that my best thinking got me here, we know my way and plans do not work.
Today, I need to remember to surrender, shut the hell up and take some guidance, and let the Universe work and stop trying to be in control of everything/everyone around me.
Friday, July 27, 2012
Thursday, July 19, 2012
The Last Night
tonight is the last night at Bonita Vista. i've been sick the last couple days, and the funny thing about stomach parasites is even after the first dose of the meds they give you, you instantly feel better...
and now that i'm not completely preoccupied and distracted with how shitty i feel, the rest of my feelings are coming back into the foreground now. and i feel like i just got hit by a flood.
i feel like i walked into this house for the first time completely naive and stupid and ignorant to how the world worked.
and i'm walking out completely warped and jaded and different. but yet smarter all the same.
and this house has some memories of someone recent that i've been clinging on to like Kate Winslet to that fucking wooden door in the middle of the ocean. i feel like by leaving this house he's going to fade away completely.
i'd give anything to have that loud ass mustang fly around the corner on my last night at this godforsaken house.
and now that i'm not completely preoccupied and distracted with how shitty i feel, the rest of my feelings are coming back into the foreground now. and i feel like i just got hit by a flood.
i feel like i walked into this house for the first time completely naive and stupid and ignorant to how the world worked.
and i'm walking out completely warped and jaded and different. but yet smarter all the same.
and this house has some memories of someone recent that i've been clinging on to like Kate Winslet to that fucking wooden door in the middle of the ocean. i feel like by leaving this house he's going to fade away completely.
i'd give anything to have that loud ass mustang fly around the corner on my last night at this godforsaken house.
Tuesday, July 17, 2012
Light Reading
"We apply effort to our most obvious problems and let go of the rest. We do the job at hand, and as we progress, new opportunities for improvement present themselves...Today, we seek solutions, not problems....When we admit that our lives have become unmanageable, we don't have to argue our point of view. We have to accept ourselves as we are. We no longer have to be right all the time. When we give ourselves this freedom, we can allow others to be wrong. Freedom to change seems to come after acceptance of ourselves...
Words mean nothing until we put them into action."
Just what I needed today. Amen !
Words mean nothing until we put them into action."
Just what I needed today. Amen !
Friday, July 6, 2012
Identifying Fear "And Letting Go of It"
Jesus Christ, apparently somebody wrote today's daily reading entry knowing that I'd need it (and probably could've used it every day for the last 2 or 3 weeks).
******************
The chief activator of our defects has been self-centered fear...primarily fear that we would lose something we already possessed or would fail to get something we demanded. Living upon a basis of unsatisfied demands, we were in a state of continual disturbance and frustration. Therefore, no peace was to be had unless we could find a means of reducing these demands. The difference between a demand and a simple request is plain to anyone.
Peace is possible for me only when I let go of expectations. When I'm trapped in thoughts about what I want or what should be coming to me, I'm in a state of fear and anxious anticipation and this is not conducive to emotional sobriety. I must surrender -- over and over -- to the reality of my dependence on a Higher Power, for then I find peace, gratitude, and spiritual security
******************
How's THAT for a bitch-slap from the clouds?
******************
The chief activator of our defects has been self-centered fear...primarily fear that we would lose something we already possessed or would fail to get something we demanded. Living upon a basis of unsatisfied demands, we were in a state of continual disturbance and frustration. Therefore, no peace was to be had unless we could find a means of reducing these demands. The difference between a demand and a simple request is plain to anyone.
Peace is possible for me only when I let go of expectations. When I'm trapped in thoughts about what I want or what should be coming to me, I'm in a state of fear and anxious anticipation and this is not conducive to emotional sobriety. I must surrender -- over and over -- to the reality of my dependence on a Higher Power, for then I find peace, gratitude, and spiritual security
******************
How's THAT for a bitch-slap from the clouds?
Wednesday, July 4, 2012
July 4th - Conflict
the reading in one of my daily readers was too good not to post on here:
**************
From time to time, we all experience conflicts. It may be that we just can't get along with that new coworker. Maybe our friends are driving us crazy. Or perhaps our partner isn't living up to our expectations. Dealing with any conflict is difficult regardless of the situation.
When tempers rise, it is often a good idea to back away from the situation until cooler minds prevail. We can always return for further discussion when we have calmed down. We can't avoid troubling situations, but we can use time and distance to find perspective.
Conflict is a part of life. We can't go through it without encountering disagreements and differences of opinion. Sometimes we can back away from these situations, taking time to reflect on them, but there always comes a time when conflict must be resolved. When that time comes, we take a deep breath, say a prayer, and apply the principles our program has given us: honesty, openness, responsibility, forgiveness, trust, and all the rest. We didn't get this far to keep running from life -- and here we don't have to run anymore.
Just for Today: I will strive to confront conflict in healthy way.
**************
From time to time, we all experience conflicts. It may be that we just can't get along with that new coworker. Maybe our friends are driving us crazy. Or perhaps our partner isn't living up to our expectations. Dealing with any conflict is difficult regardless of the situation.
When tempers rise, it is often a good idea to back away from the situation until cooler minds prevail. We can always return for further discussion when we have calmed down. We can't avoid troubling situations, but we can use time and distance to find perspective.
Conflict is a part of life. We can't go through it without encountering disagreements and differences of opinion. Sometimes we can back away from these situations, taking time to reflect on them, but there always comes a time when conflict must be resolved. When that time comes, we take a deep breath, say a prayer, and apply the principles our program has given us: honesty, openness, responsibility, forgiveness, trust, and all the rest. We didn't get this far to keep running from life -- and here we don't have to run anymore.
Just for Today: I will strive to confront conflict in healthy way.
Tuesday, July 3, 2012
Fireworks
even with everything in between, and all the questions unanswered, and all the loose ends being left unfinished.
even with all of the truths that need to be said that aren't so as to avoid any more uncomfortable moments.
tomorrow is still the 4th of July.
and still...
all I want is to just sit back and watch the fireworks with you.
even with all of the truths that need to be said that aren't so as to avoid any more uncomfortable moments.
tomorrow is still the 4th of July.
and still...
all I want is to just sit back and watch the fireworks with you.
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