I know I'm "writing stories" and letting my own head get in the way of facts. But still....
Today there was a reminder of one's own mortality. Mine, more specifically. I'm not quite sure what I am right now. ...ok? not good? good? I feel like I'm on the fence for some reason. And I was told that I need to "walk in faith." Unfortunately, in relation to this specific situation, I have none. I feel like I don't, even tho I was then told that my actions speak otherwise. That the actions in and of themselves are the faith. But I don't feel it.
For some reason, regarding this specific situation, I feel more alone than ever.
Thankfully though, I am aware of how I feel about all this. And I'm also well aware of certain things that I need to be pushed towards because they need to get done if I am going to take care of myself. And they are going to be done. That is a fact.
It's just...right now...where I am today. is....scared? and feeling completely alone in facing this. And it doesn't feel very good.
