So, confession time: I've been using off and on for the last 2 weeks. It was fun again at first, but I'm starting to let it get out of control again and it's taking over my life and putting everything important to me at risk of being lost.
I'm overall not happy with myself when sober because of my body image insecurities and my weight and because I'm alone in this apartment so much.
So I thought getting high would fix all that; that I wouldn't be lonely anymore. That I'd lose weight and be skinny again, that I'd have my sexual appeal back and look, act, and feel confident again with who I am. But after 2 weeks, I've realized that I'm not happy using either because I'm not just instantly skinny, I primarily get high alone so I'm still isolating myself, and all my insecurities about my weight are amplified.
So I have no idea why I even want to keep using because it's only perpetuating my insecurities and loneliness and isolation and leaving me feeling even more destitute than ever.
When the drugs stop working, maybe it's time to put them down.
Tuesday, November 18, 2014
Sunday, November 16, 2014
"We Got in a Fight"
I know the title of this blog sounds so juvenile and is reminiscent of being a kid and saying "mommy and daddy got in a fight"...but it's the best way to sum up something that happened between me and a friend yesterday that is still affecting me today and has completely ruined not only yesterday, but left me in a foul mood today as well.
Regarding yesterday and the incident in question, while I can't and shouldn't go into specific details regarding the exact cause of the fight, I can fast forward to the fact that it caused a very close and important friend of mine to completely blow a gasket and get launched into a full blown panic and rage. In retrospect, while I freely admit that there were things that I should've said or handled differently when all this was going down, I can't help but stick to a strong conviction that I have that whatever I said or did wouldn't have made a difference because the things that I did say or try to do in my defense or to explain regarding the situation were only shot down or mocked or completely disregarded by my friend. When this happens and I feel as though my words are going in one ear and out the other without any regard or consideration, I shut down and shut up and just let the other person continue on in the chaos and insanity without me. So this basically lead to a very uncomfortable car ride home in which I sat quietly in the car as my friend called me a piece of shit and accused me of not caring or giving a shit about him and his valuable time and also tell me that after that day, we probably won't be friends anymore and that I shouldn't expect to hear from him.
Now I'm not reporting his tongue lashing and harsh words to paint him in a bad light. He was extremely frustrated and clearly having an anxiety attack so I can overlook all that was said because as one who has been afflicted by anxiety/panic attacks in the past (and as one who does irrational things when caught in anger's grip) I can completely understand and empathize with him and the fact that he wasn't thinking rationally and probably didn't mean a lot of the things he said. However, while I have a hunch he didn't mean the majority of the hurtful things he said, his epithet still had an effect on me and has left me in a foul, stanky funk all day yesterday and all day today. At first I was confused as to why I was letting what he said affect me so deeply, but I think I've figured it out: while normally when someone goes off on me, calls me names, tells me "what's wrong with me" etc etc...I can usually easily just shrug it off and ignore the comments and their speaker's validity because if it's coming from someone I could give 2 shits about, then why would I care what their opinion of me is or what they have to say at all? However, the harsh words and criticisms and rage was all coming from someone that I DO care about and someone who's opinion of me matters a great deal. So I guess since the person saying these things is someone I care for and respect, the words soared right past my defenses and nailed me right to the core. For the remainder of the day yesterday and all day today, I've felt completely worthless and keep hearing my friends words in my head and I feel like a total failure as a person and as a friend. I guess to me and my brain, it's not so important what is said, but rather who says it, that determines what kind of effect it'll have on me.
In a nutshell...as the blog title says: "we got in a fight" and it's really upset me and I'm very afraid that I've lost a very good friend in the process, just after having gotten him back after him living in another city for the past 5 years. I don't know how this will all work itself out, but I'm praying for some resolution :-/
And if by any chance the person in question finds his way to this blog and is reading this: again, I'm very very sorry on so many levels for many things and I took all of what you said to heart and I know I'm a shitty person and a piece of shit and I'm sorry.
Regarding yesterday and the incident in question, while I can't and shouldn't go into specific details regarding the exact cause of the fight, I can fast forward to the fact that it caused a very close and important friend of mine to completely blow a gasket and get launched into a full blown panic and rage. In retrospect, while I freely admit that there were things that I should've said or handled differently when all this was going down, I can't help but stick to a strong conviction that I have that whatever I said or did wouldn't have made a difference because the things that I did say or try to do in my defense or to explain regarding the situation were only shot down or mocked or completely disregarded by my friend. When this happens and I feel as though my words are going in one ear and out the other without any regard or consideration, I shut down and shut up and just let the other person continue on in the chaos and insanity without me. So this basically lead to a very uncomfortable car ride home in which I sat quietly in the car as my friend called me a piece of shit and accused me of not caring or giving a shit about him and his valuable time and also tell me that after that day, we probably won't be friends anymore and that I shouldn't expect to hear from him.
Now I'm not reporting his tongue lashing and harsh words to paint him in a bad light. He was extremely frustrated and clearly having an anxiety attack so I can overlook all that was said because as one who has been afflicted by anxiety/panic attacks in the past (and as one who does irrational things when caught in anger's grip) I can completely understand and empathize with him and the fact that he wasn't thinking rationally and probably didn't mean a lot of the things he said. However, while I have a hunch he didn't mean the majority of the hurtful things he said, his epithet still had an effect on me and has left me in a foul, stanky funk all day yesterday and all day today. At first I was confused as to why I was letting what he said affect me so deeply, but I think I've figured it out: while normally when someone goes off on me, calls me names, tells me "what's wrong with me" etc etc...I can usually easily just shrug it off and ignore the comments and their speaker's validity because if it's coming from someone I could give 2 shits about, then why would I care what their opinion of me is or what they have to say at all? However, the harsh words and criticisms and rage was all coming from someone that I DO care about and someone who's opinion of me matters a great deal. So I guess since the person saying these things is someone I care for and respect, the words soared right past my defenses and nailed me right to the core. For the remainder of the day yesterday and all day today, I've felt completely worthless and keep hearing my friends words in my head and I feel like a total failure as a person and as a friend. I guess to me and my brain, it's not so important what is said, but rather who says it, that determines what kind of effect it'll have on me.
In a nutshell...as the blog title says: "we got in a fight" and it's really upset me and I'm very afraid that I've lost a very good friend in the process, just after having gotten him back after him living in another city for the past 5 years. I don't know how this will all work itself out, but I'm praying for some resolution :-/
And if by any chance the person in question finds his way to this blog and is reading this: again, I'm very very sorry on so many levels for many things and I took all of what you said to heart and I know I'm a shitty person and a piece of shit and I'm sorry.
Wednesday, November 12, 2014
Fighting For Survival: How Bad do you REALLY want to recover?
It amazes me how people in dire situations and are currently living in a state of crisis do nothing but perpetuate the crisis, wallow in negativity, and are so full of ego that they shut down and refuse any potential avenue of help that presents itself.
After having lived like this for 2 years, I can see right through all the bullshit and smoke screens and have no patience or tolerance for this. When you're fighting for survival you need to be open to whatever avenues of help that present themselves because it could help you move forward. If you only want help YOUR way and don't do whatever it takes for you to be okay, you will stay stuck in your rut and negativity and your problem because it's YOU who got you there in the first place.
"Our best thinking got us into trouble" is an absolute true statement. If we are unwilling to take suggestions or be open-minded to do whatever it takes, we won't get anywhere or recover from whatever ails us.
I've recently had the unfortunate pleasure of meeting someone in dire straights and am amazed at their inability to do nothing but exude negativity, wallow in how much of a victim they are, are completely close-minded to any and all suggestions for help other than the ones that coincide with how they think the help should come, and are so full of themselves and are bursting with self-importance and ego that they think and behave as if the entire world and everyone around him should adapt to THEM and THEIR wants and needs, not that HE should learn to adapt to LIFE if that's what it will take to survive.
As one having experienced this, I don't have the patience or tolerance for someone like this, nor do I want to be around them and let them drag me down with them.
Get the fuck away from me and out of my life. Go somewhere else if you wish to continue to destroy yours and refuse the help that the universe presents to you. YOUR way obviously doesn't work but you won't admit that you have NO idea how to fix your current situation, but you just want to blame it on everyone else and on circumstance. The world won't adapt to your whims and wants, you need to adapt to IT. It's called LIFE motherfucker. Deal with it.
After having lived like this for 2 years, I can see right through all the bullshit and smoke screens and have no patience or tolerance for this. When you're fighting for survival you need to be open to whatever avenues of help that present themselves because it could help you move forward. If you only want help YOUR way and don't do whatever it takes for you to be okay, you will stay stuck in your rut and negativity and your problem because it's YOU who got you there in the first place.
"Our best thinking got us into trouble" is an absolute true statement. If we are unwilling to take suggestions or be open-minded to do whatever it takes, we won't get anywhere or recover from whatever ails us.
I've recently had the unfortunate pleasure of meeting someone in dire straights and am amazed at their inability to do nothing but exude negativity, wallow in how much of a victim they are, are completely close-minded to any and all suggestions for help other than the ones that coincide with how they think the help should come, and are so full of themselves and are bursting with self-importance and ego that they think and behave as if the entire world and everyone around him should adapt to THEM and THEIR wants and needs, not that HE should learn to adapt to LIFE if that's what it will take to survive.
As one having experienced this, I don't have the patience or tolerance for someone like this, nor do I want to be around them and let them drag me down with them.
Get the fuck away from me and out of my life. Go somewhere else if you wish to continue to destroy yours and refuse the help that the universe presents to you. YOUR way obviously doesn't work but you won't admit that you have NO idea how to fix your current situation, but you just want to blame it on everyone else and on circumstance. The world won't adapt to your whims and wants, you need to adapt to IT. It's called LIFE motherfucker. Deal with it.
Monday, June 16, 2014
My New Role
So I haven't provided any update on my life in quite a while, but considering the state of things right now and the frame of mind my sanity has deteriorated to, I felt it necessary to get some of this out tonight in an effort to....purge? Expunge? Vent? Take your pick.
So, about 2 weeks ago, I had to call an ambulance one evening to come help my roommate who was on the floor of his shower screaming in agony from stomach pains and laying in a pool of his own feces. It took a couple days, but after a myriad of tests, it was discovered that he had Colitis, a rare bacteria infection called Shigalla (I think?), and, worst of all, was officially suffering from AIDS as his viral load was over 400,000. Needless to say, the hospital was the right place for him to be as his health was, and still is, very fragile and he can barely muster up enough energy to go outside and smoke a cigarette.
As a result of his medical incapacitation a void was left in his life: there was nobody to take care of and tend to all his affairs that he normally would if he were healthy and able to: His dog, his bills, his plants, his rent and relationship with his landlord (which was extremely volatile when I first stepped in due to his owing her money). Seeing this situation, I knew that somebody would need to step in and help him manage his life until he would be able to do so himself, but he has no family out here in Vegas, no close friends, and without hesitation I stepped up to the plate and took the reigns of my roommate's affairs so that his life wouldn't fall to pieces while he was incapacitated.
So, for the last two weeks I've been taking care of his dog, watering his plants, cleaning his house, collecting and organizing his mail, opening his mail and identifying any bills and keeping record of their due dates, created a list of all maintenance problems for a repair man to come in and fix, done all of his laundry, and completely mended and, overall, IMPROVED, his relationship with his landlord as I helped to settle the debt he was in to her and helped facilitate the reimbursement of funds to her from my roommate.
That was the easy part....The hard part started a few days ago when my roommate got home from the hospital (which, in a nutshell he left AMA from). On top of everything I've already been doing, I now have to take care of a practically dying grown man that sleeps all day and is so weak and fragile he is only capable of going to the kitchen to get food which he then takes back to his bed and leaves dirty dishes and silverware and glasses and cups all around the bedroom. I've now taken on the roll of the one who makes bill payments, cleans up the kitchen after he ravages whatever food he can get his hands on, errand runner/shopper for when he sends me to Wal-Mart to buy things, and overall caregiver and maid and nurse.
All of this may sound very noble and selfless of me to give so much of myself to the well-being of another person and their life, but as a result I'm beginning to suffer in MY life.
Over the course of the past 2 weeks, I feel as though I've completely lost myself and my identity. My life has been consumed by his, my needs have been superseded by his, my time is now completely consumed with cleaning up after him, caring for him...basically managing every aspect of his life. And it's left me feeling completely barren. I feel as though I have no friends left and the loneliness I feel at the end of the day is beyond description; In a nutshell, to help continue his life, I've given up mine.
There was a brief shimmer of hope though, as anyone who may read this knows: this weekend the Electric Daisy Carnival will be making its appearance here in Las Vegas, and for those of you who know me...I LIVE for EDC. Some of the most incredible and joyful and spine-tingling chill inducing moments of my life have been experienced at past EDC's. As a result of being homeless, I was, obviously, unable to attend last year...But this year there was a brief shimmer of hope that I maybe, just maybe, able to go have fun under the electric sky.
But then I lost my dream job because of perceived warning signs of not "fitting in."
And tonight, I had my one last back-up plan effort to acquire the funds to obtain a ticket: I was going to ask my roommate for a loan of the cost of a ticket. Now some of you may be shocked that I had the balls to do this, but I'll just say in my defense that I know my roommate's finances and to sum it up, he is DEFINITELY not hurting in the money department. So I asked...
And without hesitation: he said no.
I quickly and discretely retreated to my room and began to cry. This is my reward God? This is what I get for being selfless and giving and putting somebody else first and helping save their life and livelihood?
So...I'm bitter, I'm upset, I'm hurt, I'm disappointed, I'm devastated, I'm lonely, I'm miserable, I'm depressed, I'm pessimistic, I've lost all hope, I've switched into self-destruct mode, I feel like I'm going crazy, but most of all I'm angry: at myself, at my roommate, at my life, at God.
So I'll just continue to fester in my anger as I take care of this house and his responsibilities and affairs and ignore my sad, stupid life, because hey: I may be neglecting myself and my life and not caring for myself, but at least doing his laundry and cleaning his kitchen and feeding his dog and paying his bills is keeping me occupied. Fun right?
Bitter. Bitter and hateful.
Goodnight
M
So, about 2 weeks ago, I had to call an ambulance one evening to come help my roommate who was on the floor of his shower screaming in agony from stomach pains and laying in a pool of his own feces. It took a couple days, but after a myriad of tests, it was discovered that he had Colitis, a rare bacteria infection called Shigalla (I think?), and, worst of all, was officially suffering from AIDS as his viral load was over 400,000. Needless to say, the hospital was the right place for him to be as his health was, and still is, very fragile and he can barely muster up enough energy to go outside and smoke a cigarette.
As a result of his medical incapacitation a void was left in his life: there was nobody to take care of and tend to all his affairs that he normally would if he were healthy and able to: His dog, his bills, his plants, his rent and relationship with his landlord (which was extremely volatile when I first stepped in due to his owing her money). Seeing this situation, I knew that somebody would need to step in and help him manage his life until he would be able to do so himself, but he has no family out here in Vegas, no close friends, and without hesitation I stepped up to the plate and took the reigns of my roommate's affairs so that his life wouldn't fall to pieces while he was incapacitated.
So, for the last two weeks I've been taking care of his dog, watering his plants, cleaning his house, collecting and organizing his mail, opening his mail and identifying any bills and keeping record of their due dates, created a list of all maintenance problems for a repair man to come in and fix, done all of his laundry, and completely mended and, overall, IMPROVED, his relationship with his landlord as I helped to settle the debt he was in to her and helped facilitate the reimbursement of funds to her from my roommate.
That was the easy part....The hard part started a few days ago when my roommate got home from the hospital (which, in a nutshell he left AMA from). On top of everything I've already been doing, I now have to take care of a practically dying grown man that sleeps all day and is so weak and fragile he is only capable of going to the kitchen to get food which he then takes back to his bed and leaves dirty dishes and silverware and glasses and cups all around the bedroom. I've now taken on the roll of the one who makes bill payments, cleans up the kitchen after he ravages whatever food he can get his hands on, errand runner/shopper for when he sends me to Wal-Mart to buy things, and overall caregiver and maid and nurse.
All of this may sound very noble and selfless of me to give so much of myself to the well-being of another person and their life, but as a result I'm beginning to suffer in MY life.
Over the course of the past 2 weeks, I feel as though I've completely lost myself and my identity. My life has been consumed by his, my needs have been superseded by his, my time is now completely consumed with cleaning up after him, caring for him...basically managing every aspect of his life. And it's left me feeling completely barren. I feel as though I have no friends left and the loneliness I feel at the end of the day is beyond description; In a nutshell, to help continue his life, I've given up mine.
There was a brief shimmer of hope though, as anyone who may read this knows: this weekend the Electric Daisy Carnival will be making its appearance here in Las Vegas, and for those of you who know me...I LIVE for EDC. Some of the most incredible and joyful and spine-tingling chill inducing moments of my life have been experienced at past EDC's. As a result of being homeless, I was, obviously, unable to attend last year...But this year there was a brief shimmer of hope that I maybe, just maybe, able to go have fun under the electric sky.
But then I lost my dream job because of perceived warning signs of not "fitting in."
And tonight, I had my one last back-up plan effort to acquire the funds to obtain a ticket: I was going to ask my roommate for a loan of the cost of a ticket. Now some of you may be shocked that I had the balls to do this, but I'll just say in my defense that I know my roommate's finances and to sum it up, he is DEFINITELY not hurting in the money department. So I asked...
And without hesitation: he said no.
I quickly and discretely retreated to my room and began to cry. This is my reward God? This is what I get for being selfless and giving and putting somebody else first and helping save their life and livelihood?
So...I'm bitter, I'm upset, I'm hurt, I'm disappointed, I'm devastated, I'm lonely, I'm miserable, I'm depressed, I'm pessimistic, I've lost all hope, I've switched into self-destruct mode, I feel like I'm going crazy, but most of all I'm angry: at myself, at my roommate, at my life, at God.
So I'll just continue to fester in my anger as I take care of this house and his responsibilities and affairs and ignore my sad, stupid life, because hey: I may be neglecting myself and my life and not caring for myself, but at least doing his laundry and cleaning his kitchen and feeding his dog and paying his bills is keeping me occupied. Fun right?
Bitter. Bitter and hateful.
Goodnight
M
Monday, April 7, 2014
Death Toll Count: 1
So today I discovered that someone from the program died on Saturday due to a heroin overdose. I didn't really know her, but that doesn't take anything away from the harsh reality that is: that this thing is out for blood and that it does not discriminate. It also served as a harsh reminder of the effect death has on people that are close to the individual who dies and that I almost caused a similar effect to those around me 3 weeks ago when I swallowed 60 Clonopin. I thought I would be doing you all a favor by putting myself out of my own misery and sparing you all the heartbreak and disappointment of yet another failure on my part. Instead, I see now how selfish a self-induced death is. I am reminded again that at the core of this disease is self-centeredness. It was rough to sit through my noon meeting today and hear the girls who were close to the deceased share on what they were feeling as a result of her actions. But in light of Anna's death, I was reminded of something I've learned: that some of us have to die in order for the rest of us to get it. It's a harsh reality, but true nonetheless, and today, I do not want to become yet another statistic like this poor girl became over the weekend. Just for today, I choose life.
Monday, March 31, 2014
New Adventure
So yesterday I moved into a new sober living house called Serenity House. After spending the last 2 weeks sleeping on my mom's couch, sleeping in my own bed last night (a queen size btw) was a welcome change. Don't get me wrong, staying at mom's house was great, but it's nice to have my own room again.
I'm dealing with some conflicting emotions, however. As nice as it is to have my own space, my own room (with a TV), and not be sleeping on a couch, I was surprised yesterday at the overwhelming anxiety I felt as I was moving everything in. Pure anxiety, sheer terror, and fear at the thought of a new environment with a brand new set of rules I need to adhere to along with a house full of other guys that I'm still trying to remember the names of as I meet each one (which, btw, I haven't remembered a single one yet). I was so nervous and so wound up yesterday that I threw up a couple times. Yes, that's right, I got so nervous that I actually threw up. And that has happened only one other time in my entire life. I know I don't have anything to be afraid of in reality, but I'm feeling completely nerve-wracked over doing something wrong, fucking up, not following the rules and doing something wrong, and afraid of the other roommates. Basically social anxiety times a million.
I do have a couple exciting things that I have to be grateful for though. 1-new iPhone! After years of defending my Blackberry against all you Blackberry haters, on Sunday my mom bought me a new iPhone 5c and got me a new phone number, which, on top of the added luxury of the new piece of technology, will also serve as a clean slate phone number wise. I've already transfered all of my contacts I wanted to transfer and left out the ones that I don't want to have my number. Definitely an instance of changing "people, places, and things." And 2-I got new contacts!!! (FINALLY). I've been wearing my glasses 24/7 since December when my last set of contacts (that were 2 years old) had to go after giving me an eye infection. Thanks to my Ryan White Part C & new Medicaid coverage, my eye exam today along with the order of contacts was covered 100% and I was happily able to take off my glasses and put in a fresh pair of contacts.
Yesterday, my mom suggested I do a gratitude list to try and ease my anxieties I was feeling. I did one, but it didn't help. I don't know why the new living situation has me so wound up. I guess I was comfortable at the Rehmar House because it was an extension of LVRC and I felt comfortable there, knowing the familiar faces both on and behind the scenes, as well as feeling at home with the location being on the Northwest side of town, up the street from mom's house. The location of Serenity House is off of Sahara & Decatur. I've never lived in this area before and while it is central to just about everything I need and everywhere I need access to, I still feel like a stranger and am scared to leave my room. Looks like I'll be doubling up my clonopin doses until I can calm the fuck down.
I'm dealing with some conflicting emotions, however. As nice as it is to have my own space, my own room (with a TV), and not be sleeping on a couch, I was surprised yesterday at the overwhelming anxiety I felt as I was moving everything in. Pure anxiety, sheer terror, and fear at the thought of a new environment with a brand new set of rules I need to adhere to along with a house full of other guys that I'm still trying to remember the names of as I meet each one (which, btw, I haven't remembered a single one yet). I was so nervous and so wound up yesterday that I threw up a couple times. Yes, that's right, I got so nervous that I actually threw up. And that has happened only one other time in my entire life. I know I don't have anything to be afraid of in reality, but I'm feeling completely nerve-wracked over doing something wrong, fucking up, not following the rules and doing something wrong, and afraid of the other roommates. Basically social anxiety times a million.
I do have a couple exciting things that I have to be grateful for though. 1-new iPhone! After years of defending my Blackberry against all you Blackberry haters, on Sunday my mom bought me a new iPhone 5c and got me a new phone number, which, on top of the added luxury of the new piece of technology, will also serve as a clean slate phone number wise. I've already transfered all of my contacts I wanted to transfer and left out the ones that I don't want to have my number. Definitely an instance of changing "people, places, and things." And 2-I got new contacts!!! (FINALLY). I've been wearing my glasses 24/7 since December when my last set of contacts (that were 2 years old) had to go after giving me an eye infection. Thanks to my Ryan White Part C & new Medicaid coverage, my eye exam today along with the order of contacts was covered 100% and I was happily able to take off my glasses and put in a fresh pair of contacts.
Yesterday, my mom suggested I do a gratitude list to try and ease my anxieties I was feeling. I did one, but it didn't help. I don't know why the new living situation has me so wound up. I guess I was comfortable at the Rehmar House because it was an extension of LVRC and I felt comfortable there, knowing the familiar faces both on and behind the scenes, as well as feeling at home with the location being on the Northwest side of town, up the street from mom's house. The location of Serenity House is off of Sahara & Decatur. I've never lived in this area before and while it is central to just about everything I need and everywhere I need access to, I still feel like a stranger and am scared to leave my room. Looks like I'll be doubling up my clonopin doses until I can calm the fuck down.
Tuesday, March 25, 2014
Letting Go of Worry
What if we knew for certain that everything we're worried about today will work out fine?
What if...we had a guarantee that the problem bothering us would be worked out in the most perfect way, and at the best possible time? Furthermore, what if we knew that three years from now we'd be grateful for that problem, and its solution?
What if...we knew that even our worst fear would work out for the best?
What if...we had a guarantee that everything that's happening, and has happened, in our life was meant to be, planned just for us, and in our best interest?
What if...we had a guarantee that the people we love are experiencing exactly what they need in order to become who they're intended to become? Further, what if we had a guarantee that others can be responsible for themselves, and we don't have to control or take responsibility for them?
What if...we knew the future was going to be good, and we would have an abundance of resources and guidance to handle whatever comes our way?
What if...we knew everything was okay, and we didn't have to worry about a thing? What would we do then?
We'd be free to let go and enjoy life.
What if...we had a guarantee that the problem bothering us would be worked out in the most perfect way, and at the best possible time? Furthermore, what if we knew that three years from now we'd be grateful for that problem, and its solution?
What if...we knew that even our worst fear would work out for the best?
What if...we had a guarantee that everything that's happening, and has happened, in our life was meant to be, planned just for us, and in our best interest?
What if...we had a guarantee that the people we love are experiencing exactly what they need in order to become who they're intended to become? Further, what if we had a guarantee that others can be responsible for themselves, and we don't have to control or take responsibility for them?
What if...we knew the future was going to be good, and we would have an abundance of resources and guidance to handle whatever comes our way?
What if...we knew everything was okay, and we didn't have to worry about a thing? What would we do then?
We'd be free to let go and enjoy life.
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