So, confession time: I've been using off and on for the last 2 weeks. It was fun again at first, but I'm starting to let it get out of control again and it's taking over my life and putting everything important to me at risk of being lost.
I'm overall not happy with myself when sober because of my body image insecurities and my weight and because I'm alone in this apartment so much.
So I thought getting high would fix all that; that I wouldn't be lonely anymore. That I'd lose weight and be skinny again, that I'd have my sexual appeal back and look, act, and feel confident again with who I am. But after 2 weeks, I've realized that I'm not happy using either because I'm not just instantly skinny, I primarily get high alone so I'm still isolating myself, and all my insecurities about my weight are amplified.
So I have no idea why I even want to keep using because it's only perpetuating my insecurities and loneliness and isolation and leaving me feeling even more destitute than ever.
When the drugs stop working, maybe it's time to put them down.
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