So, for those of you that have been following my recent events or that know me better than just blog or Facebook posts, you know I experienced a sort of upheaval in my home life/living situation last week as the person who had committed to being my roommate decided to bail on me and promptly moved all of her shit out of the apartment that same day, paid what money she owed me, and peaced out.
In retrospect, my sponsor was absolutely right when he, in response to this development, said that this was actually a blessing and that it was an example of God doing for me what I couldn't do for myself; that she saw that I was all about recovery right now; about stability, responsibility, accountability, all those other spiritual principles that the program teaches us....she saw that and decided to high-tail it outa here because that didn't vibe with what she wanted to happen. So while on the one hand my sponsor may be right about her taking her leave being a good thing, I didn't and don't feel like it was, because there was this moment, just after she left, when the apartment was quiet again....
all the movers had left.....her and her psycho brother were gone....whatever thugs she had rounded up to help motive shit were gone...and it was just me alone in the apartment, standing in the middle of the empty second bedroom and there I was listening to the silence. And it was deafening. And I thought "great....yet again, another person that couldn't stand or didn't want to be around you. you don't get to have friends. you don't deserve to have friends. of course she left, why would she want to even live with you? you're a worthless piece of shit. you're destiny is to always be alone so get used to flying solo loser."
And that's where my mind has been stuck at since last Thursday.
Until tonight.
Recently, I had been emailing back and forth with a friend of mine who happens to own a pretty successful business out here in Las Vegas and we were tossing around the idea of me maybe showing up at one of her job sites and putting in some volunteer hours. We fin ally scheduled and finalized a phone conference call for this evening and I gotta say, I'm pretty blown away by the power of one simple step in the right direction, for the sake of personal and spiritual growth, and in the spirit of open-mindedness.....what all of that can produce. Not only did I sign up for and am now committed to volunteer work 3 days a week at her corporate office (which is a 5 minute bus ride from my apartment btw), but she said knowing my talent and level of skill that when it gets to the point where she sees that she and her business can't live without me she'll just hire me outright and start paying me as a full time employee.
God saw that I was dying inside from loneliness and isolation and depression....and sent this little package of goodness right down in front of me. So grateful and excited to see where this goes. My first day is this Thursday.
Stay tuned....
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