So Sunday night, right before I went to bed, I took a quick glance at my calendar/planner that I had mapped out the week in and reviewed what I had committed to for the week. And the theme that stuck out became immediately apparent: meetings every single day of the week, multiple meetings on most days. Because last week there was a severe, critical shortage of meetings, so much so that I was absolutely crazy for the majority of the week; stuck in my own head, acting out in all sorts of different, sick ways, and not handling situations with as much grace and dignity that I know I'm capable of, but, instead, losing my shit and causing yet more wreckage around me. So getting to the point, today, Tuesday, I had mapped and planned out as to having it go a certain why at certain times and for me to be at certain places at such and such time for this duration etc etc. Okay well we've all heard the expression "when we make plans, God laughs." Today was nothing but a testament to that statement.
The doctor's appointment that I thought I would be in too long for me to make a meeting at 10:30 ended up ending with enough time for me to have made the meeting.
Then, if I wanted to go to the noon meeting, there wouldn't have been enough time between that meeting and the 2:30pm meeting for me to get from one spot to another since I take the bus, then would have to leave that meeting early to get to my dentist appointment I have scheduled at 4pm, which I was going to go to the 2:30 meeting and just leave a little early so I could get to the dentist on time, but I had leaving meetings early so since I'm an addict and it's "all or nothing" I decided to skip the 2:30 and am now just going to go straight to my dentist appointment and leave my place around 3:15, then when my dentist appointment is overt I'm going to my old Home Group meeting, "Blind Faith," which, I'll be honest, I'm not too thrilled about going to considering particular members that will be in attendance and that the last time I was there it was very evident that personalities had been placed higher up on the list of priorities above principles and that the meeting had turned into a fucking popularity contest like some high school bullshit.
But a meeting is a meeting, even if it's a shitty, catty, judgmental one, and I refuse to waiver from my commitment to myself to make at least one meeting a day every day this week. My sanity depends on it. Time to hop in the shower and get ready so I'm on time for the dentist.
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