Another keytag

Today at the 10:30 meeting I went to I collected my 30 day key tag...yet again.  It's been 30 days since I re-committed myself back to recovery after relapsing from re-recommitting myself back to recovery.  I know I should be proud of myself like my friends are telling me and I should probably be more excited than I was at the meeting when I stood up to collect the tag, but I have this lingering sentiment in the back of my mind that's telling me not to get excited, don't celebrate this at all, and to wait for it to end up being a failure because that's my MO:  fucking shit up, and chances are, I'm probably going to fuck this up, again, too..  So I guess I'm stuck in a wait and see mode right now.  Yeah I got 30 days okay cool, but it was a total buzz kill when I got home from the meeting and opened my shoe box full of sentimental items and I added yet another white key tag to the 987987106543210562314065465 ones I already have in there.  I'm being told I should be proud, but all I feel like is a failure and not good enough and that I'll never get this right.  Bleh