Ever have a day when everything seems to be working against you? Do you go through periods when you are so busy taking people's inventories you can barely stand yourself? What about when you find yourself snapping at your coworker or loved one for no reason? When we find ourselves in this bleak frame of mind, we need to take action.
At any point in the day, we can set aside a few moments and take a "spot inventory." We examine how we are reacting to outside situations and other people. When we do, we may find that are are suffering from a plain old "bad attitude." A negative outlook can hurt our relationship with our Higher Power and the people in our lives. When we are honest with ourselves, we frequently find that the problem lies with us and our attitude.
We have no control over the challenges life gives us. What we can control is how we react to those challenges. At any point in time, we can change our attitude. The only thing that really changes in NA is US. We gain the tools to move out of the problem and into the solution.
Just For Today: Throughout the day, I will check my attitude. I will apply the program to improve it
Sunday, October 28, 2012
Thursday, October 18, 2012
Recent Dream
So I recently had a dream that's been bothering me and has been stuck in my head. I'm not one of those metaphysical nut-jobs who's constantly trying to translate their dreams and won't STFU about it to everyone around them, but this one left me with such a "wtf" feeling that I figured talking it out might help.
I have this Nightmare Before Christmas tin lunch box that I've had since high school. I keep everything "important" in there from significant events or memories I have in there: concert tickets, rave ticket stubs, photos, etc. General rule of thumb: I am the only one who's allowed to touch this box, especially the contents (going through them, adding, removing, etc).
Anyway, the dream was short : I opened the box, and right on top were these 2 ..um, what looked like bookmarks. the background was a blue sky with clouds and on each said "be home soon." And, for some reason, I knew that they were from ...um I'm gonna leave his name out of this so as not to violate any anonymity and to avoid any further drama. But yeah...
I don't get it. And it's bothering the fuck out of me.
I have this Nightmare Before Christmas tin lunch box that I've had since high school. I keep everything "important" in there from significant events or memories I have in there: concert tickets, rave ticket stubs, photos, etc. General rule of thumb: I am the only one who's allowed to touch this box, especially the contents (going through them, adding, removing, etc).
Anyway, the dream was short : I opened the box, and right on top were these 2 ..um, what looked like bookmarks. the background was a blue sky with clouds and on each said "be home soon." And, for some reason, I knew that they were from ...um I'm gonna leave his name out of this so as not to violate any anonymity and to avoid any further drama. But yeah...
I don't get it. And it's bothering the fuck out of me.
Saturday, October 13, 2012
Substance Over Form
There is nothing wrong with wanting to look our best. Whether we are striving to create a self, a relationship, or a life, we need to have some solid ideas about what we want that to look like.
Form gives us a place to begin. But for many of us, form has been a substitute for substance. We may have focused on form to compensate for feeling afraid of feeling inferior. We may have focused on form because we didn't know ow to focus on substance.
Form is the outline; substance is what fills it in. We fill in the outline of ourselves by being authentic; we fill in the outline of our life by showing up for life and participating to the best of our ability.
Now...we're learning to pay attention to how things work and feel, not just what they look like.
Today, I will focus on substance in my life. I will fill in the lines of myself with a real person -- me. I will concentrate on the substance of my relationships, rather than what they look like. I will focus on the real workings of my life, not just the trappings.
Form gives us a place to begin. But for many of us, form has been a substitute for substance. We may have focused on form to compensate for feeling afraid of feeling inferior. We may have focused on form because we didn't know ow to focus on substance.
Form is the outline; substance is what fills it in. We fill in the outline of ourselves by being authentic; we fill in the outline of our life by showing up for life and participating to the best of our ability.
Now...we're learning to pay attention to how things work and feel, not just what they look like.
Today, I will focus on substance in my life. I will fill in the lines of myself with a real person -- me. I will concentrate on the substance of my relationships, rather than what they look like. I will focus on the real workings of my life, not just the trappings.
Friday, October 12, 2012
An Autobiography in 5 Chapters
Chapter 1
I walk down the street
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk
I fall in
I am lost...I am helpless
It isn't my fault
It takes forever to find a way out
Chapter 2
I walk down the same street
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk
I pretend I don't see it
I fall in, again
I can't believe I am in this same place
But it isn't my fault
It still takes a long time to get out.
Chapter 3
I walk down the same street
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk
I fall in....i't s habit...but, my eyes are open
I know where I am
It is my fault
I get out immediately
Chapter 4
I walk down the same street
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk
I walk around it
Chapter 5
I walk down a different street
I walk down the street
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk
I fall in
I am lost...I am helpless
It isn't my fault
It takes forever to find a way out
Chapter 2
I walk down the same street
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk
I pretend I don't see it
I fall in, again
I can't believe I am in this same place
But it isn't my fault
It still takes a long time to get out.
Chapter 3
I walk down the same street
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk
I fall in....i't s habit...but, my eyes are open
I know where I am
It is my fault
I get out immediately
Chapter 4
I walk down the same street
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk
I walk around it
Chapter 5
I walk down a different street
Monday, October 1, 2012
What if we didn't feel pain?
Not Just a Motivating Factor for Growth
"Pain -- who needs it" we think whenever we're in it. We see no good purpose for pain. It seems to be a pointless exercise in suffering. If someone happens to mention spiritual growth to us while we're in pain, we most like snort in disgust and walk away, thinking we've never encountered a more insensitive person.
But what if human beings didn't feel pain -- either physical or emotional? Sound like an ideal world? Not really. If we weren't capable of feeling physical pain, we wouldn't know when to blink foreign particles out of our eyes; we wouldn't know when to stop exercising; we wouldn't even know when to roll over in our sleep. We would simply abuse ourselves for lack of a natural warning system.
The same holds true for emotional pain. How would we have known that our lives had become unmanageable if we hadn't been in pain? Just like physical pain, emotional pain lets us know to stop doing something that hurts.
But pain is not only a motivating factor. Emotional pain provides a basis for comparison when we are joyful. We couldn't appreciate joy without knowing pain.
Just for today: I will accept pain as a necessary part of life. I know that to whatever level I can feel pain, I can also feel joy.
"Pain -- who needs it" we think whenever we're in it. We see no good purpose for pain. It seems to be a pointless exercise in suffering. If someone happens to mention spiritual growth to us while we're in pain, we most like snort in disgust and walk away, thinking we've never encountered a more insensitive person.
But what if human beings didn't feel pain -- either physical or emotional? Sound like an ideal world? Not really. If we weren't capable of feeling physical pain, we wouldn't know when to blink foreign particles out of our eyes; we wouldn't know when to stop exercising; we wouldn't even know when to roll over in our sleep. We would simply abuse ourselves for lack of a natural warning system.
The same holds true for emotional pain. How would we have known that our lives had become unmanageable if we hadn't been in pain? Just like physical pain, emotional pain lets us know to stop doing something that hurts.
But pain is not only a motivating factor. Emotional pain provides a basis for comparison when we are joyful. We couldn't appreciate joy without knowing pain.
Just for today: I will accept pain as a necessary part of life. I know that to whatever level I can feel pain, I can also feel joy.
Sunday, September 30, 2012
Not a Victim
You are not a victim.
How deeply ingrained our self-image as a victim can be! How habitual our feelings of misery and helplessness! Victimization can be like a gray cloak that surrounds us, both attracting that which will victimize us and causing us to generate the feelings of victimization.
Victimization can be so habitual that we may feel victimized even by the good things that happen to us!
Got a new car? Yes, we sigh, but it doesn't run as well as I expected, and after all, it cost so much. . . .
You've got such a nice family! Yes, we sigh, but there are problems. And we've had such hard times. . . .
Well, your career certainly is going well! Ah, we sigh, but there is such a price to pay for success. All that extra paperwork. . . .
I have learned that, if we set our mind to it, we have an incredible, almost awesome ability to find misery in any situation, even the most wonderful of circumstances.
Shoulders bent, head down, we shuffle through life taking our blows.
Be done with it. Take off the gray cloak of despair, negativity, and victimization. Hurl it; let it blow away in the wind.
We are not victims. We may have been victimized. We may have allowed ourselves to be victimized. We may have sought out, created, or re created situations that victimized us. But we are not victims.
We can stand in our power. We do not have to allow ourselves to be victimized. We do not have to let others victimize us. We do not have to seek out misery in either the most miserable or the best situations.
We are free to stand in the glow of self-responsibility.
Set a boundary! Deal with the anger! Tell someone no, or stop that! Walk away from a relationship! Ask for what you need! Make choices and take responsibility for them. Explore options. Give yourself what you need! Stand up straight, head up, and claim your power. Claim responsibility for yourself!
And learn to enjoy what's good.
Tuesday, September 25, 2012
Peace with the Past
Holding on to the past, either through guilt, longing, denial, or resentment, is a waste of valuable energy -- energy that can be used to transform today and tomorrow.
"I used to live in my past" said one recovering woman.
"I was either trying to change it, or I was letting it control me. Usually both."
"I constantly felt guilty about things that had happened. Things I had done; things others had done to me -- even though I had made amends for most everything, the guilt ran deep. Everything was somehow my fault. I could never just let it go.
"I held on to anger for years, telling myself it was justified. I was in denial about a lot of things. Sometimes, I'd try to absolutely forget my past, but I never really stopped and sorted through it; my past was like a dark cloud that followed me around, and I couldn't shake clear of it. I guess I was scared to let it go, afraid of today, afraid of tomorrow. I've been in recovery for years now, and it has taken me almost as many years to gain the proper perspective on my past. I'm learning I can't forget it; I need to heal from it. I need to feel any feelings I still have, especially anger.
"I need to stop blaming myself for painful events that took place, and trust that everything has happened on schedule and truly all is okay. I've learned to stop regretting, and start being grateful.
"When I think about the past, I thank God for the healing and the memory. If something occurs that needs an amend, I make it and am done with it. I've learned to look at my past with compassion for myself, trusting that the Universe was in control, even then."
"I've healed from some of the worst things that happened to me. I've made peace with myself about these issues, and I've learned that healing from some of these issues has enabled me to help others to heal too. I'm able to see how the worst things helped form my character and developed some of my finer points.
"I've even developed gratitude for my failed relationships because they have brought me to who and where I am today.
What I've learned has been acceptance -- without guilt, anger, blame, or shame. I've even had to learn to accept the years I spent feeling guilty, angry, shameful, and blaming."
We cannot control the past. But we can transform it by allowing ourselves to heal from it and by accepting it with love for ourselves and others.
Today, I will begin being grateful for my past. I cannot change what happened, but I can transform the past by owning my power, now, to accept, heal, and learn from it.
"I used to live in my past" said one recovering woman.
"I was either trying to change it, or I was letting it control me. Usually both."
"I constantly felt guilty about things that had happened. Things I had done; things others had done to me -- even though I had made amends for most everything, the guilt ran deep. Everything was somehow my fault. I could never just let it go.
"I held on to anger for years, telling myself it was justified. I was in denial about a lot of things. Sometimes, I'd try to absolutely forget my past, but I never really stopped and sorted through it; my past was like a dark cloud that followed me around, and I couldn't shake clear of it. I guess I was scared to let it go, afraid of today, afraid of tomorrow. I've been in recovery for years now, and it has taken me almost as many years to gain the proper perspective on my past. I'm learning I can't forget it; I need to heal from it. I need to feel any feelings I still have, especially anger.
"I need to stop blaming myself for painful events that took place, and trust that everything has happened on schedule and truly all is okay. I've learned to stop regretting, and start being grateful.
"When I think about the past, I thank God for the healing and the memory. If something occurs that needs an amend, I make it and am done with it. I've learned to look at my past with compassion for myself, trusting that the Universe was in control, even then."
"I've healed from some of the worst things that happened to me. I've made peace with myself about these issues, and I've learned that healing from some of these issues has enabled me to help others to heal too. I'm able to see how the worst things helped form my character and developed some of my finer points.
"I've even developed gratitude for my failed relationships because they have brought me to who and where I am today.
What I've learned has been acceptance -- without guilt, anger, blame, or shame. I've even had to learn to accept the years I spent feeling guilty, angry, shameful, and blaming."
We cannot control the past. But we can transform it by allowing ourselves to heal from it and by accepting it with love for ourselves and others.
Today, I will begin being grateful for my past. I cannot change what happened, but I can transform the past by owning my power, now, to accept, heal, and learn from it.
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