So earlier this week I mentioned in a previous blog post that there had been a serious lack of adulting going on and that I wasn't rising up to the standards I set for myself in taking care of certain responsibilities or tasks. Well today is day 2 of living in the solution and behaving differently to correct that behavior. 2 nights in a row of going to bed at a reasonable hour, waking up at a reasonable hour, and thereby being able to meet commitments and continue to cross stuff off on my task list for the day without fail. For a few days there I would end up with a to do list with half of it left undone because I spent the whole day fucking off. But yesterday was super productive (mainly at the end of the day, I got a bunch of shit done right before I went to bed last night) and so far today is off to a great start as I woke up when I planned to, have already done my self-care routines for the morning, and am about to get dressed and head out for a 10 AM meeting at the 3M Club before going grocery/supply shopping at Walmart with mom. The difference that "adulting" behavior has on my self-esteem is profound and always reminds me of something I heard a counselor, Derek, say back when I was in IOP at Las Vegas Recovery Center: "esteemable acts leads to esteemable thinking." So basically, if I just continue doing what I'm doing and acting like a damn grown up and meeting my responsibilities and holding myself accountable for getting shit done and taking care of myself, I'm going to, as a result, feel better about myself, which is a definite plus considering the fact that my normal frame of mind is self-defeating, self-loathing, hyper-critical, super self-conscious, and negative and cynical.
Anyway, hope everyone has a good weekend. Off to my meeting I go.
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