New week, fresh start, fresh outlook. That pretty much sums up where I'm at this morning. I fell asleep early last night (again) and, consequently, woke up early this morning. Normally I wouldn't be caught dead waking up at 6 AM but since I passed out while reading a book last night around 7, I think I got plenty of sleep to wake up that early. I'm kinda mad at myself though because I fell asleep reading "The Magician's Land" which I have been trying to get into and really get a good momentum going reading this book for the last 2 weeks. It's the third in "The Magicians" series and the first two books were incredible so I'm expecting another incredible third installment with this one, I've just been so busy with other shit that I haven't been able to dive into the book like I usually do and fly through 100 pages a day like I was doing with The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo. But as they say: "progress, not perfection" so I'm chugging along through as many pages as I can each time I sit down with the book.
I've had a pretty productive morning so far; have yet to talk to my sponsor and to talk to some other friends that I check in with every day , but I'm sure I'll catch them at some point. That's another commitment I'm making to myself this week: STAY CONNECTED. For me, for this junkie, self-sufficiency is a lie and I cannot be left alone with my own thoughts and my own mind unsupervised for any length of time. Otherwise, I'll go crazy because I'll start to believe the bullshit and lies that my head tells me about myself: that I'm a fat fucking pig and disgusting slob and that nobody would want to spend time with me and that nobody will ever want me and that I'm damaged goods and tainted and who in their right mind would see anything desirable in me and that I should just lock myself in my apartment 24/7 and spare the world the pain of having to put up with me (yes, this is really the shit that I find my mind telling myself throughout the day). But when I stay connected and stay in touch with my friends, (my "Inner Circle" core group) I'm told that I am loved, and am reminded that I have people that care about me and that will call me just to check on me to see how I'm doing; people that basically are loving me until I am able to love myself.
So this week, in summary, we're focusing on 2 areas: meetings and staying connected to my friends.
Ready. Set. Go!
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