The Disease Rears Its Ugly Head

Had a great weekend (up until the end).  Yesterday was super busy.  Started out with spin class with mom in the morning, then my first week of a 9 week course called "Financial Peace University" by Dave Ramsey.  It's all about how to effectively, responsibly, and "purposefully" managing your money and creating and sticking to a budget.
After that we hit Costco, then the library (where I got another shit-ton of books).
After that, mom and I had to suck it up and go to the animal hospital and pick up Joey's urn and his ashes.  It was rough and opened up the wound of his loss and sadness all over again.  It was uncomfortable to have those feelings and I was feeling sad and a profound sense of loss, but this is what I signed up for:  life on life's terms.
Afterwards though, my disease, unfortunately, reared its ugly head and I found myself shopping and buying things in a frantic attempt to stuff my feelings with material things.  Also, things took a sour turn between mom and I.  We were joking around on the way back to her house, but in an attempt to make a joke by her, I interpreted it as a threat and responded, in kind, with a threat and told her I'd go right to her house and break every window there.  I totally reacted in a behavior I'm trying to leave behind as it doesn't suit me anymore:  my rage and anger.  I ended up lashing out at her and included more threats and threats of violence and totally terrorized her.  I was, and am still, so ashamed of myself, but at the time I was in total rage mode and really scared my mom.  Thinking of the look on her face when I said what I said still is killing me.  After she dropped me off back at home I was so ashamed and uncomfortable with myself that I was desperate for relief.  I immediately texted my sponsor asking for his advice in how to go about handling and remedying the situation because another thing this program has taught me is to not trust my own thinking and to reach out for help in handling problems because "my best thinking got me into trouble."  On top of talking to my sponsor, I attended an online meeting on Intherooms.com and the topic was, amazingly enough, "Turning Turmoil Into Peace."  I couldn't believe it!  That was clear evidence of God at work in my life when I needed some help in handling the fallout from my behavior.  After the meeting and talking with my sponsor, I called my mom and apologized profusely and made a promise of an amends in my behavior and that that behavior would never happen again.  I'm so grateful for this program giving me the tools to learn how to not act a fool and to remedy it when I do!