So after not having been to a meeting in 2 weeks, today is finally the day that I'm getting my ass back to not only 1, but 2 meetings today. My sponsor is picking me up and taking me to Not High at Noon, then later my mom is taking me to a 6pm meeting up in Summerlin. I don't really have anything specific I can think of that I want to share about just yet, but I'm more looking forward to just being there and listening and soaking in the recovery and experience I hear from others.
I also have a doctor's appointment today. This one is for my routine blood work review to check my CD4 count and viral load to make sure everything looks okay. I have no real reason to be afraid that the results won't come back looking good since I'm RELIGIOUS and really good about taking my meds, but there's always that fear that pops up in the back of my mind that says "this time it's gonna come back looking bad, this is the time you're going to find out you're dying." Totally unrealistic, I know, give what past results and experiences show, but my brain always likes to catastrophize everything and expect the worst.\
Today is also the first day in over a week that I might not see T__y either. I wanna see him and miss my buddy already, but I know I need to take a self-care/me day and also start off a pattern of regular meeting attendance again after not having gone for this long and isolating in my apartment and thinking I can do this alone and that I'd be fine. Now, I realize just how wrong I was that, if left alone with my own brain as my only company/feedback/and sounding board, I will, without a doubt, drive myself right off a fucking cliff and go totally batshit crazy.
Not cute.
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