Reminder

I know I'm "writing stories" and letting my own head get in the way of facts.  But still....

Today there was a reminder of one's own mortality.  Mine, more specifically.  I'm not quite sure what I am right now.  ...ok?  not good? good?  I feel like I'm on the fence for some reason.  And I was told that I need to "walk in faith."  Unfortunately, in relation to this specific situation,  I have none. I feel like I don't, even tho I was then told that my actions speak otherwise.  That the actions in and of themselves are the faith.  But I don't feel it.

For some reason, regarding this specific situation, I feel more alone than ever.

Thankfully though, I am aware of how I feel about all this.  And I'm also well aware of certain things that I need to be pushed towards because they need to get done if I am going to take care of myself.   And they are going to be done.  That is a fact.

It's just...right now...where I am today.  is....scared?  and feeling completely alone in facing this.  And it doesn't feel very good.