Sunday, October 3, 2010

lack of sensation

it's weird.  i haven't done it since earlier this week.  (Sunday night i believe if memory serves me correctly).  Normally any period of not doing it would be followed by my skin eventually..like...itching?  it's hard to describe, but basically i would feel like my entire top layer of skin was absolutely fucking CRAWLING just begging for it.

but i haven't done it since sunday. because "there are always excuses, but never a real reason to choose to do it."  and i haven't.  and now it's just weird because...

i guess i'm just not used to feeling ok? like not being in constant physical pain and having to watch how i move or how hard i scratch at a scab or something. 

someone told me they were proud of me tonight too.   why?  i don't get it.

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