due to the negative thinking that i've recently been made aware of (and the fact that it is so deeply a part of my personality at this point bc of how i led my life) I feel hesitant to admit this due to my unrealistic expectation of things turning sour the second i admit this but...here goes:
yesterday and today were good days. even with finding out that someone died, tonight's topic was "Gratitude" and the last few days I have definitely been given a reminder of the things that i would be a fool if i were not grateful of them.
things at work have been going good. slowly but surely putting together more piezes of the rubix cube that is Rohloff & Associates. i think i have listings down, but we started on Short sales today. let's just say i have even more respect of my mom since short sales are what she specializes in, due to the fact that just ONE of those can make someone want to shoot themselves in the face.
i've been wanting to pick up my phone and text him recently too...buti can never think of a reason that would justify any attempt at bothering him, so ...needless to say i havent. eerily enough, the individual who died over the weekend was also named R____y. the more i find out about the circumstances/events leading up to his death the more i'm upset. being found of an overdose dead as a doornail in the middle of a field close to your house means that he died completely and utterly alone. knowing the type of people he was associating with i don't think he was with anyone who would care enough. so he somehow wandered out to this field, and died there. no friends, no family, no loved ones, nothing. He died completely alone. and he was 1 of 2 brothers, the other which also committed suicide. and now his mother will have had buried both her sons
and that breaks my heart. as if it wasn't already decimated in the first place. finding all this out just, put me in not a good place.
but you gotta keep going. i have to. i can do this. watch me
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