Just To Get Even (Beginnings)

I figured that the title of my new, freshly birthed blog should have a bit of a disclaimer so as to explain that I did not create this blog with inspirations or motivations stemming from revenge or "striking back" at anyone.  Not at all.  While searching through my actual private journal, i found a quote that seemed appropriate, considering everything that has happened in the last few days.  :

"Or you know what it is?  You hate yourself so much, you'll hurt anybody who loves you.  That's it isn't it?  Just to get even with them for loving you."

Go back and read The Magicians if you're intrigued.

  essentially, the title of the blog stems from how i feel my actions can be explained over the recent past.  essentially, i screwed up.  bad.  that doesn't even sum it up.  last week, everything officially came crashing down in one of the biggest catastrophe movie like earthquake scenes you could imagine.  i don't want to get into too many details right now (it's my newly ativan-regulated bed time approaching) but to sum it up:  the party is over.  it stopped last week, and it crashed really hard, and there were a lot of casualties, one of which i'm still crying myself to sleep at night over.
many changes will be taking place over the next few weeks/months, and these will be permanent and will, hopefully, be me flourishing into a next chapter that isn't so...Party Monster.