Thought Processes Since Last Night

So after yesterday's ridiculously long blog post (go back and read it, it's stupid long, I got a little carried away lol) I was left with a lot of questions in my mind about how to proceed and what I'm going to do in regards to the feeling of being torn in 2 different directions that I described.  In one direction is NA, the program, total abstinence, and all the rules I have to abide by to "successfully" work a program and gain the love and acceptance of others in the program.  In the other direction is another potential path, that to me would still include the spiritual principles the program has taught me, because I can't deny that they are wonderful and can absolutely result in you being a better person as well as aid in your ability to cope with life and find your place in it.  This other path would also be much less stringent on the abstinence policy, where I can still partake in certain activities that those in NA would normally "condemn" and pretty much return back to a state of just being "normal" and not having one indulgence here and there a sign of total catastrophe and having to deal with the drama of starting your clean days count over again, telling everybody what you've done, feeling like shit, feeling guilty, and then dealing with everybody temporarily abandoning you because you didn't follow the rules of the program and they "can't be around someone so close to active addiction" which, as I said yesterday, is total bullshit because that is conditional love and conditional acceptance.  I'm not saying I want friends or people in my life that will cosign on my bullshit and just let me do things that hurt myself or people that don't have my best interest and well-being in mind, but I just find it hard to believe that I can't have friendships with people not in program that aren't real friendships or are somehow not valid because they're not in recovery.  That's like saying anyone not in recovery is "off limits" for friendship because they're not in the cool club.  It just doesn't make sense to me and frustrates me to think about it.  And I'm tired of being judged by others in program when I tell them I am friends with one person or another that isn't in program or isn't abstinent.  Like they think all that equates to them being bad people and that I shouldn't be around them.  Judgmental much?
I was feeling pretty lost and confused and helpless yesterday after my blog post and up until I went to bed, totally plagued with confusion and turmoil and uncertainty and hesitation of which direction to set out in.  After sleeping on it though, I feel a bit more grounded and a little more clear as to how I'm going to handle this.  For right now, I'm going to take it day by day and see what each day brings and tackle it from there.  If I try to think in long term plans, I get overwhelmed because I feel like I have to have a concrete battle plan for the foreseeable future.  Who says I need to have a concrete battle plan that I can't deviate from?  Shit, even the program teaches us "one day at a time."  So I guess that's what I'll do with this too.