10/29/2015

Nothing momentous to report at this point.  Been a quiet last couple of days since I separated myself from a certain somebody and left them in Palm Springs.  Things have a way of timing too (which, to me, is the Universe/God in action) because things settled down just in time for the big NA convention this weekend, which, btw, I have a commitment for and am chairing one of the meetings on Saturday I believe.  I woke up this morning, however, with a voicemail waiting for me from him.  It was entirely unintelligible and I couldn't make out a word he was saying as he was slurring his words and was mainly speaking jibberish, which means he's in pretty bad shape as I know that he's at Eisenhower hospital out in Rancho Mirage, CA (how he got there and why he's there, I have no fucking clue since he was supposed to be heading back to Vegas).  Looks like I jumped ship just in time.  If you want to go on a suicide run and run your life into the ground, that's fine, that's your choice, but you will not drag me down and take me out with you.  I'm not without compassion and empathy as I've been where he's been and have felt exactly as he's feeling now, but he needs to see that there's a way out and that there are other solutions than just the ones he's coming up with in his own head, which only involve self-destruction and death and wreckage and self-sabotage and isolation and desperation.  I just hope he sees some of those solutions or becomes a little open-minded enough to consider trying something different before he dies in that hospital, because from what I know of his current health status, his future is looking very bleak at this point in time and while I'm still firm on my boundaries that I've set and that I needed to separate myself from him, I'm not without empathy and compassion and sympathy for his plight so I took his number off block and sent him a text message.  We'll see what he says and what the prognosis is at the hospital, but other than that there's nothing I can do for him and no help I can (or should) offer him, as this is one of those times where you need to figure out a solution for yourself because in it is a valuable lesson that you clearly need to learn.  I spent 2 years being homeless, have had an intervention, and have been to rehab twice, and I can firmly tell you that each of those experiences is valued and treasured in my mind because they taught me things and life lessons and principles that are absolutely essential to who I am today and what I know today about myself, the truth, and reality.  So maybe this is just his process of growth and I need to step back and let it run its course, regardless of how much pain and suffering he has to endure, because sometimes, after all that pain and suffering, you emerge out the other side a newer, updated, upgraded, better version of yourself.  I just hope he doesn't die in the process.