Okay so if you read any of my posts on Facebook yesterday, it was CLEARLY evident that I was not having a good day. And you'd be absolutely right to assume so: I was having a flat out SHITTY day and it started right at the moment I woke. First arguing then overreacting then being angry then having your day not go as you had planned it to go in your mind then placing demands and controlling behaviors on someone who didn't deserve it then even the cashier at Wal-Mart had a shitty attitude and snapped at my mom and I. Once that happened, that was it for me and in my mind I shouted "THAT'S IT. I'M DONE PLAYING NICE AND BEING THE BIGGER PERSON." So I found every floor manager I could find and told them about my experience with said cashier, and I'm pretty sure I got him fired. My bad #sorrynotsorry
Overall, yesterday sucked and I just flat out had a bad day. But I'm going to go a step further than that and take some responsibility for my role in it and admit that while yes the day happened as it was going to happen regardless (life on life's terms), I myself didn't respond appropriately or from a place of patience, empathy, understanding, and the serenity that comes with knowing that what will be will be and that life is going to happen as life dictates. The result was me completely going ape shit on my mom in the car ride home and I can, in retrospect, honestly admit that I ended up sending a lot of my anger and frustration at the day towards her and she bore the worst of it and for that I feel sorry and remorseful.
After having all last night to ruminate over the day and also sleeping on it, I've awoken today with a fresh attitude that stems from the wisdom I gained yesterday by acting the way I did and seeing the results it got me. Today, I am determined to have a good day, I am determined to keep my emotions and feelings in check and try and stay as self-aware as possible so I know what I'm feeling and why and then act accordingly instead of just reacting and have shit come out wrong or create chaos where there was no reason for chaos in the first place. Today, I also plan on reminding myself of a lesson I learned yesterday after trying to force or demand my mom say certain things just so that I would feel "better." I cannot control other people, I don't have the authority or the right to demand things of other people, especially when they are uncomfortable. I should not base my "being okay" on what somebody else says or does. I am only responsible for me and my actions and how I choose to respond to what each day throws at me.
So...in a nutshell. Today is a new day, and I'm going to make it a good one, not one where I'm acting out in my character defects or getting angry at life for not going according to MY plan. Because to expect that it is going to go according to my plan is unrealistic and stupid. Life will do what it wants.
So again: new day, new attitude, refreshed outlook. Gonna make today a good one. :-]
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