After a particularly excruciating Valentine's Day, I've found that I've been in an emotional funk ever since. In recovery, I've been told time and time again that instead of running or denying how we feel, a better course of action is to lean into the feelings instead, so that acceptance of them will come and the healing process can actually happen, instead of just putting it off and pretending like you're fine, which, in my case, fine would not mean fine but FINE (Fucked up, Insecure, Neurotic, and Emotional).
So I got the recognition and acceptance part down, but I've been unable to shift back into feeling okay for the past 2 days. It's almost like because the feeling of loss, grief, sadness, and misery were so comfortable to me being as familiar as they are, I was unable to make the choice to do something to bring out feeling different.
Our house manager just stopped by and I had a little chat with him, and he reminded me that I did a good job in the recognition and leaning into the feelings part, but that I forgot that today I have a choice. I can make the choice to continue to sit in it and feel like shit, or implement the next right thing and behaviors to make the choice to feel different.
Thanks Tony.
M
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