I Failed the Friend Test

Yes, I "journal."  Gay?  extremely, get over it.  But I had to work something out in my head, because i had recently exploded and continued to, much to this other person's dismay and frustration.  So much so in fact, i'm scared that the relationship we have (relax, friends only) has been permanently damaged by what i've done.  anyway, this is what i scribbled out in a frenzy today as i worked it out in my head:

Vital pieces of importance
more important to understand than be understood
like understanding how much stress ____ is under instead of going off on rants, trying to force my message across that he hurt my feelings by something he said (and triggered this whole bout of insanity). 
The harder I pushed my point/message, the more he pushed back, resistant to even listening/reading, would then continue to say hurtful shit

***stop pushing and so will he .    You did what you thought was in his best interest when he fell asleep by letting him continue to sleep.  You then took it upon yourself to take extra (and quite unnecessary) steps that, yes, were with the intent of wanting to help him that evening, but that is NOT what he asked for nor what he wanted.
When he reacted the way he did, it wasn't the reaction you had expected (unfair expectation placed on him by YOU without even knowing it) and you got upset & hurt that he didn't appreciate it all how you thought he SHOULD have. Yes, you were trying to help, but again -- not what he asked.

Continued to do more damage by taking it upon yourself to do what YOU thought was best, not what he had asked.
All of the consequences you then suffered throughout the rest of the evening should NOT be blamed on him as this was ALL A RESULT OF YOU TAKING YOUR OWN INITIATIVE SELFISHLY.  NONE OF IT WOULD HAVE HAPPENED IF YOU HAD STAYED IN ONE PLACE.  YOU SHOULDN'T BLAME HIM OR GIVE HIM THE SOB STORY AS YOU'VE ALSO REALIZED THAT IT WAS SUBCONSCIOUS / UNKNOWING ATTEMPT TO GARNER PITY FROM SOMEONE.

all you did was create more chaos and his days have been overflowing with chaos already.  while you did, truly, have the intent to help as best you can, you did nothing of the sort and, quite frankly, fucked the entire night up, for him and yourself.

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yes, it's cliche, but each realization i had when processing the  above was like a light switch going on.and while self-enlightenment is good, this did not feel good, because i grew more and more ashamed of myself.

hopefully this can be remembered some day as one of the major "trials and tribulations" of a friendship ....but i'm really scared i was such a terrible friend that he might feel like he can no longer consider me as someone who will always be in his corner and someone who is there to help support the burden when shit gets shitty, not add to it.