Saturday, June 4, 2011

smouldering

i played with fire last night.  every single resource and piece of information i've come across said to NOT do this while on the meds that i'm on, but cautionary measures seem kinda pointless at the moment.

and so i played with fire indeed, and i know exactly why they warn not to do it, because i think i came dangerously close to having to have the letter delivered (see earlier post).

i should be bothered that i'm not bothered more by the fact that i'm indifferent to what almost happened.

but i'm already over it

and i'm still completely empty.  and part of me thinks that this is what will make him happy...for him to know that my world has been completely torn apart just like his was.  maybe happy was a bad choice of words...appeased? avenged?  satisfied?  i don't know.  but whatever word it is, he has every right to want it if that's the case. and if that is the case, i know i absolutely deserve this.  

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