sick. again

it feels like that's all i ever am. 

and when i'm sick is the worst. because i'm whiney and vulnerable and needy and it's pathetic. 

and it feels like the only person in the world that could make me feel better or give me some sense of comfort is you.

and you hate me and you're gone.

and then....well. now what? 

i miss you so much.  even just talking to you about your day.

i really truly don't know if i'm willing to do this-- all of this, everything -- if this is how it's going to be