First Timer

i went to my first meeting tonight.  going to something once, passing judgment on the actual situation and everyone there, then telling it to fuck off would be a habit that would fall under the classification of the lifestyle i am attempting to move on/grow from...so i'm going to give it a couple more shots before i make my ultimate decision on what i'm going to do.

however, at first glance, i feel ....how to put this:  not good.  maybe it was that particular meeting following with the mantra of "different strokes for different folks."  everyone is different and, thus blends into different societal circumstances and with different elements/people.  but in all honesty, i felt as though the whole thing was utterly-depressing, profoundly self-defeating, and encompassed a notion of wallowing in pity/the nature of one's dire situation in which i found myself repressing constant urges to look at the clock to see how fast the hour was progressing. 

what needs to be found out of these meetings will be found one way or another; of this i am determined and focused on (i refuse to give up on gaining back what i've lost).  but i don't know if the actual attendance to said regular meetings is going to mesh well with me and how i think/process information and major changes that have taken place over the last few days that have pretty much destroyed my life and the one thing i truly held dear in it.

the Roast of David Hasselhoff is on Comedy Central on sunday.  i have to say i am embarrassingly excited about the horrible things that will be said during this roast. 

-me-