despite the fact that he's gone due to my actions and i feel like i have this huge gaping hole that is open and rotting and festering in his absence, i feel that...i need to leave him alone for the time being. i feel like every time i talk to him all im doing is serving as a reminder of what we were 3 weeks ago...and what we've become as of 2 weeks ago. i know there are reasons to be angry at me. i'm angry at me. i fucking despise me. but i think i need to let him be him for right now so he can ...well.......be him, and see if he even wants me around in the first place.
this hurts so much. i'm so sorry
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