Detachment

    The concept of letting go can be confusing to many of us.  When are we doing too much or trying too hard to control people and outcomes?  When are we doing too little?  When is what we're doing an appropriate part of taking care of ourselves?  What is our responsibility, and what isn't?
    These issues can challenge us whether we've been in recovery ten days or ten years.  Sometimes, we may let go so much that we neglect responsibility to ourselves or others.  Other times, we may cross the line from taking care of ourselves to controlling others and outcomes.
    There is no rule book.  But we don't have to make ourselves crazy; we don't have to be so afraid.  We don't have to do recovery perfectly.  If it feels like we need to do a particular action, we can do it.  If no action feels timely or inspired, don't act on it.
    Having and setting healthy limits -- healthy boundaries -- isn't a tidy process.  We can give ourselves permission to experiment, to make mistakes, to learn, and to grow.
    We can talk to people, ask questions, and question ourselves.  If there's something we need to do or learn, it will become apparent.  Lessons don't go away.  If we're not taking care of ourselves enough, we'll see that.  If we are being too controlling, we'll grow to understand that too.
    Things will work out.  The way will become clear.

Today, I will take actions that appear appropriate.  I will let go of my the rest.,  I will strive for the balance between self-responsibility, responsibility to others, and letting go.

Control

    Sometimes, the gray days scare us.  Those are the days when the old feelings come rushing back.  We may feel needy, scared, ashamed, unable to care for ourselves.
    When this happens, it's hard to trust ourselves, others, the goodness of life, and the good intentions of our Higher Power.  Problems seem overwhelming.  The past seems senseless; the future, bleak.  We feel certain the things we want in life will never happen.
    In those moments, we may become convinced that things and people outside of ourselves hold the key to our happiness.  That's when we may try to control people and situations to mask our pain.  When these "codependent crazies" strike, others often begin to react negatively to our controlling.
    When we're in a frenzied state, searching for happiness outside ourselves and looking to others to provide our peace and stability, remember this:  Even if we could control things and people, even if we got what we wanted, we would still be ourselves.  Our emotional state would still be in turmoil.
    People and things don't stop our pain or heal us.  In recovery, we learn that this is our job, and we can do it by using our resources:  Ourselves, our Higher Power, our support systems/group, and our program.
    Often, after we've become peaceful, trusting, and accepting, what we want comes to us -- with ease and naturalness. 
    The sun begins to shine again.  Isn't it funny, and isn't it true, how all change really does begin with us?

I can let go of things and people and my need to control today.  I can deal with my feelings.  I can get peaceful.  I can get calm.  I can get back on track and find the true key to happiness -- myself.  I will remember that a gray day is just that -- one gray day.

Valentine's Day

For children, Valentine's Day means candy hearts, silly cards, and excitement in the air.

How different Valentine's Day can be for us as adults. The Love Day can be a symbol that we have not yet gotten love to work for us as we would like.

Or it can be a symbol of something different, something better. We are in recovery now. We have begun the healing process. Our most painful relationships, we have learned, have assisted us on the journey to healing, even if they did little more than point out our own issues or show us what we 

 don't want in our life.

We have started the journey of learning to love ourselves. We have started the process of opening our heart to love, real love that flows from us, to others, and back again. Do something loving for yourself. Do something loving and fun for your friends, for your children, or for anyone you choose.

It is the Love Day. Wherever we are in our healing process, we can have as much fun with it as we choose. Whatever our circumstances, we can be grateful that our heart is opening to love.

I will open myself to the love available to me from people, the Universe, and my Higher Power today.  I will allow myself to give and receive the love I want today.  I am grateful that my heart is healing, that I am learning to love.

Trusting Ourselves

    What a great gift we've been given -- ourselves.  To listen to ourselves, to trust instinct and intuition, is to pay tribute to that gift.
    What a disservice not to heed  the leadings and leanings that so naturally arise from within.  When will we learn that these leadings and leanings draw us into the Universe's rich plan for us?
    We will learn.  We will learn by listening, trusting, and following through. What is it time to do?...What do I need to do to take care of myself?...What am I being led to do?...What do I know?
    Listen, and we will know.  Listen to the voice within.

Today, I will listen and trust. I will be helped to take action when that is needed.  I can trust myself and the Universe.

Letting Go of Sadness

    A block to joy and love can be unresolved sadness from the past.
    In the past, we told ourselves many things to deny the pain:  It doesn't hurt that much...Maybe if I just wait things will change...It's no big deal.  I can get through this...Maybe if I try to change the other person, I won't have to change myself.
    We denied that it hurt because we didn't want to feel the pain.
    Unfinished business doesn't go away.  It keeps repeating itself, until it gets our attention, until we feel it, deal with it, and heal.  That's one lesson we are learning in recovery from codependency.
    Many of us didn't have the tools, support, or safety we needed to acknowledge and accept pain from our past. It's okay.  We're safe now.  Slowly, carefully, we can begin to open ourselves up to our feelings.  We can begin the process of feeling what we have denied for so long -- not to blame, not to shame, but to heal ourselves in preparation for a better life.
    It's okay to cry when we need to cry and feel the sadness many of us have stored within for so long.  We can feel and release these feelings.
    Grief is a cleansing process.  It's an acceptance process.  It moves us from our past, into today, and into a better future -- a future free from sabotaging behaviors, a future that holds more options than our past.
  
As I move through this day, let me be open to my feelings.  Today, help me know that I don't have to either force or repress the healing available to me in recovery.  Help me trust that if I am open and available, the healing will happen naturally, in a manageable way.

Self-Acceptance

    From our earliest memories, many of us felt like we never belonged.  No matter how big the gathering, we always felt apart from the crowd.  We had a hard time "fitting in."  Deep down, we believed that if we really let others get to know us, they would reject us.  Perhaps our addiction began to germinate in this climate of self-centeredness.
    Many of us hid the pain of our alienation with an attitude of defiance.  In effect, we told the world "You don't need me? Well, I don't need any of you either!. I've got my drugs and I can take care of myself."  The further our addiction progressed, the higher the walls we built around ourselves.
    Those walls begin to fall when we start finding acceptance from others in recovery.  With this acceptance from others, we begin to learn the important principle of self-acceptance. And when we start to accept ourselves, we can allow others to take part in our lives without fear of rejection.

Just for Today:  I am accepted; I fit in.  Today, it's safe to start letting others into my life.

Letting Go of Guilt

    Feeling good about ourselves is a choice.  So is feeling guilty.  When guilt is legitimate, it acts as a warning light, signaling that we're off course.  Then its purpose is finished.
    Wallowing in guilt allows others to control us.  It makes us feel not good enough.  It prevents us from setting boundaries and taking other healthy action to care for ourselves.
    We may have learned to habitually feel guilty as an instinctive reaction to life. Now we know that we don't have to feel guilty.  Even if we've done something that violates a value, extended guilt does not solve the problem; it prolongs the problem.  So make an amend.  Change a behavior. Then let guilt go. 

Today, God, help me to become entirely ready to let go of guilt.  Please take it from me, and replace it with self-love.