Someone so crosshatched with ambiguity

"...someone upon whose face passion and cruelty had cast a grille of shadows."

<3 when books speak to you...

or about you i guess. 

Mundane

the days are all starting to blend together into one blur of meaningless boredom and pointlessness.

not good

what's wrong with you ?

that's what i want to ask someone  every time one of my friends openly expresses that they either:  A)missed me B)want to spend time with me C)a combination of both A & B.

i hear that and see that they're sincere and i almost want to stop and ask "what's wrong with you?' 


but after actually having done that a few times, i realized that that's one of those things i should keep to myself.

i guess i'm back at that place where i can't figure out why anyone would want to actually take time out of their day to want to spend any of it with me. 

maybe the question isn't what's wrong with them but rather what's wrong with........

what's in front of me,

"to me he resembled an angel.  a sad, beautiful angel."

4th of July

i was doing so good not thinking about you....lately, as long as i've kept myself busy and occupied to the point of being completely overwhelmed, i was something resembling okay.


and then i was reminded that there were fireworks tonight (which for some reason slipped my mind, which is stupid since the 4th of July usually includes fireworks)..
and then i remembered you.

and fireworks.

and my day has been ruined.

:(  happy 4th of july.  miss you

Surprise

and at the end of the day, here you are again, alone.  Because, just like how he realized, there are a million better less pathetic things out there than your sorry ass and there's no other way it should be, because you are a fucking loser through and through.

i don't know why i'm even surprised. 

When Something Speaks To You

"I was desolate.  I toyed again with the idea of becoming a general.  I wanted power so badly that I had convinced myself I already had too much of it, that I was an evil schemer who might destroy everyone around me through the poison seeping out of my pores.  I was appalled by my own majesty. 
I wanted someone to betray."


Crazy how things like this just seem to find you.  All I did was pick up my book and start reading.